Thanksgiving Offers Good Opportunities for Reminiscence
Thanksgiving is approaching and those who are planning to host the holiday may now be considering the menu, looking up new recipes, or finding the old standards. They’re making grocery lists, writing place cards, and taking out the oversized tablecloths from cabinets. This vision reminds me of Donna Reed and Jimmy Stewart, Bing Crosby, and Fred Astaire.* These are happy images of families and oversized dining tables and turkey being carved.
Not everyone is so lucky. At this time of the year, I’m reminded of Harvest of Shame, a special news program by Edward R. Murrow that aired on CBS in 1960.** The program portrayed the plight of the migrant farm workers in our country, those who gave us the food for our holiday table at their expense.
We all know that the Thanksgiving meal is not just about the food. It’s about family and friends and connections between people. Preparing and giving thought to potential conversations around the holiday table, what topics are okay to talk about and what topics should be avoided, is a good idea. Memories can be reawakened during holiday gatherings as family and friends get together and reconnect. Photo albums are often brought out. People are reminded of meaningful occasions. It’s a time when we are offered the opportunity to consider what has changed in our lives and the life of our family, and what has stayed the same. We are reminded of people who played significant parts in our lives, who were mentors and guides. Telling stories about these people can be sad but it is often positive and self-affirming as well.
I suggest making a list of questions that will elicit memories of holidays past and encourage everyone around the table to take some time to consider them, reminisce and share stories. You, as the facilitator, will be providing those around the table, whether family or friends, to reflect on the past year. to articulate the ways in which they, and you, have been impacted by events, whether by a war very far away, the loss of a loved one, or a newborn baby. It can be sweet and touching.
You may have to be the one who begins the discussion. You might start with a poem, or something inspirational that you read.
Here is a suggested list of questions for various scenarios.
• Was Thanksgiving observed in your childhood home? Whether it was or wasn’t observed, how did you feel that day? What memories does it bring up?
• What do you remember about Mom’s (Grandma’s) kitchen at Thanksgiving?
• What was the best dish she ever made? Was there a dish that flopped? How did that happen and why was it a flop?
• Who got stuck washing the pots?
• What movie do you remember watching after dinner?
• Who gave birth around Thanksgiving? Who went into labor at dinner? Who got stuck in a snowstorm on their way to the house?
You might get some surprising answers. I remember the time I cooked the turkey in a Pyrex dish that cracked in the oven. Everyone was waiting for a delicious meal. Little did they know that my husband and I were frantically feeling all over that bird with the pads of our fingers, mining for glass, terrified of what would happen if we missed something yet mortified to think we wouldn’t have anything to serve. These days I would never consider serving that bird, but we were young and foolish, and no one was the wiser but more importantly, no one got hurt.
So, my advice is as follows: do not cook your turkey in a glass dish, stay away from politics, and lead your guests on a journey down memory lane and back.
David Whyte says it so well, “There is no house like the house of belonging.” I hope that sense of belonging is a through-line for your holiday.
* Click HERE for a list of holiday films and enjoy!
** Click HERE to watch Harvest of Shame